Am I Some Kind Of Celebrity Or Something?

About two weeks ago, I got an email asking if I ever made “public appearances”, and thought, “ok, whatever…it’s probably a stalker.”

Then, last week, I got another. I got another on Monday. Tonight, I got another one, all asking me if I either “make public appearances” or “will be attending any (campaign events, rallies, etc.) in (a reader’s particular area).”

Damn. When did I become such a celebrity blogger? This is just so bizarre, but it is also quite flattering (ego inflating…to dangerous degrees).
So, without further ado, here is my list of scheduled public appearances for next week, provided by Capitol Annex’s Public Relations Department. Please, no photographs:

Monday:  Capitol Annex blogger Vince Leibowitz will make a scheduled trip to Wal-Mart between 5:30 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. to purchase dog food, Dr. Pepper and other personal items. There will be a press avaliability in the frozen foods section, between the potato products and frozen vegetables at 5:45.

Tuesday: Capitol Annex blogger Vince Leibowitz will make a scheduled trip to Burger King between 1:00 p.m. and 1:15 p.m. The trip will be via the drive-thru, so there will not be a press avaliability. NOTE: Mr. Leibowitz may make an unscheduled stop at a gas station, but will not take questions from the media.

Wednesday: Capitol Annex blogger Vince Leibowitz will visit his family physician for his annual physical from 2 p.m. until 3 p.m. There will be a press avaliability with Mr. Leibowitz and his physician on the lawn of the doctor’s office at 3:00 p.m. EXPECTED ANNOUNCEMENT: That Mr. Leibowitz continues to drink too many caffinated beverages, should shed a pound or two and discontinue driving while talking on his cell phone as it usually endangers his life. Other than that, it is expected the physician will pronounce the blogger in excellent health. Following the visit to the doctor’s office, Mr. Leibowitz will stop at Big Johnnie’s Rib Shack and order four pounds of pork ribs and a gallon of potato salad.

Thursday: Capitol Annex blogger Vince Leibowitz will visit the local donut shop at 6:45 a.m. He is expected to order a Dr. Pepper and a glazed donut. At 1:30 p.m., Mr. Leibowitz will visit his personal hair stylist for a hair cut. A briefing by the stylist will follow, and Mr. Leibowitz will be avaliable to answer questions concerning what type of hair care products he uses. At 6 p.m., he will be accompanied by Capitol Annex’s four-legged canine mascot, Ellie, on a trip to PetsMart. The public is asked not to pet Ellie, as it will disrupt the sheen of her coat and result in less than flattering photos for the press.
Friday: Capitol Annex blogger Vince Leibowitz will visit the mall between 5 and 7 p.m. He will hold a press conference on the gross domestic product at 5:15 at The Buckle, followed by a briefing on Republican credibility at The Gap. Immediately after that, he will attempt to buy two new shirts and a pair of shoes, after which time he will hold a town hall meeting on blogging, the netroots and politics in front of the enterance to Sears. He will sign autographs and receive a delegation of Ethopian, Polish and Swiss school children for Q&A in the food court. Following this, he will receive a papal blessing from the local archbishop during a multi-faith community worship service in the fine furnishings department of Dillards, followed by a Q&A at American Eagle Outfitters.

Ha. Ha. Ha.