Safe, If Used Properly
Vince Leibowitz | Aug 10, 2006 | Comments 0
Amid all of the coverage yesterday about the thwarted attacks, I found this phrase from Dallas’ KTVT-TV, the local CBS affiliate, the funniest amid a crop of mostly dire, fire-and-brimstone stuff:
No personal toilet item is a threat when used properly.
Thank the Lord for that clarification. I was so worried that my mouthwash was going to stab me while garggling in the morning.
I’m going out to the store right now to buy a new toothbrush. I’m really frightened that I may not be using my current one properly, so I want to use the directions so none of my personal toilet items are a threat to me or others.
Of course, the other interpretation of this statement would not be “toilet items” as in hygene items but…well, toilet items.
In which case, I wonder if the flushers or seats on the $1,000Â toilets House Speaker Tom Craddick purchased for his Capitol apartment are being used properly. If not, members of the House leadership had better be careful when they’re taking potty break, lest the toilet swallow them into the bowels of the Capitol’s wastewater system.
I’m off to secure my personal toilet items, and punish any potential evil do-ers. [I strongly suspect my conditioner has been plotting against me].
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