80th Legislature: These Bills Will Be No Strip Tease

[Sometimes, even good legislation is just so unique it screams out for the use of lots of...colorful literary license. We think this is one instance. Enjoy!]

Two state legislators are proposing fees related to strip clubs to provide money for sexual assault prevention, counseling and treatment.

So, let’s run this legislation up and around the stripper pole and examine it.

First, State Rep. Ellen Cohen (D-HoustoN), has legislation that will result in a $5 cover charge for enterance to strip clubs. The state will need a pretty big thong for all those singles to be stuffed in, because it would raise a whopping $40 million a year.
Similar legislation by State Sen. Royce West (D-Dallas) would require all sexually oriented businesses to pay $5,000 annual registration fees.

The state would need a really big g-string for all those bills.

The ideas behind both of these proposals are good ones. And, I think the flat stripper tax (pun intended) is a good idea. And, it shouldn’t have too much of a problem passing. However, it might be interesting to see strippers lobby the Capitol in the same manner as the motorcycle lobby.

However, I am kind of wondering about Sen. West’s annual registration fee. For some reason, when I read that, I thought, “that’ll end up in court.”

I’m not familar if other types of businesses have to “register” with the state. In particular, I know that some highly-regulated businesses like drycleaners have to report and pay for things like boiler inspections. That type of regulation, however, is something that’s pretty understandable and doesn’t qualify as a “registration.” Businesses dealing with hazardous waste and pollutants, I believe have to register in some way, shape or form.

I can see the adult entertainment industry raising some hell about that $5,000 fee, though. Since it’s not defined as a licensing fee but a registration, at least according to the Dallas Morning News, I wonder if there are any constitutional issues that could be raised or that the industry will try to raise. I doubt the concerns would be upheld since sexually oriented businesses are indeed worthy of regulation. Since the sexually oriented business industry is also one of a lot of cash (hard to put a check in a g-string, and will the bank even honor a check made out simply to, “Candi?”), I’m sure they will complain that the $5,000 fee could lead to the comptroller looking more closely at their books.

Anyway, here is a bit more on the bills:

Ms. Cohen’s bill, which has been endorsed by the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault and the Texas Council on Family Violence, would require club operators to collect the $5 cover charge at the door of all Texas strip clubs, returning it to the state like they do with sales tax revenue. The money raised annually beyond the $12 million for sexual assault services could be spent however the Legislature decides.

Mr. West’s bill – prompted by a new adult mega-store going up near his office in the Red Bird area – would up the ante, setting a $5,000 annual registration fee for all types of sexually oriented businesses and forcing them to notify elected officials at least 60 days before their arrival. He said he’s also considering a provision to add a tax on items sold or rented in adult book and video stores.

Ohhhh. Talk about a “sin tax.”

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