Out Of The Office: Governor Perry

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In light of this story, we just can’t resist….

Evidently, if you were privileged enough to know Governor Rick Perry’s official, personal, state email address, and sent him a message at any time during the last nine months, you probably would have received a response like this:

OUT OF OFFICE REPLY: Rick Perry, Governor of Texas

Hey, Ya’ll!

I really appreciate that you’ve emailed me with this important state business here. I promise I’ll get to it when I can, but right now I’m up in New York City with Rudy trying to decide if endorsing him is a good career move for me just now. My hair’s not gettin’ any younger! Gosh, I’m so busy right now that I long for those days when it was just me, Leininger, and Grover Norquist sunning topless on a beach in the Bahamas talkin’ about “school finance.” Hand me another MaiTi, boys!

Anyhoo, if your business is just real important and can’t wait until I’m back from New York (or Dubai, or Iraq, or wherever I am this week (Anita, check my BlackBerry, hon!), you can email ol’ Dewy, the Lite Gov. Or, if you happen to be an incarcerated person about to meet Ol’ Sparkey (hang on, Robert Black tells me it’s the Needle now, my bad, ya’ll!) then you can call Chief Justice of the Court of Criminal Appeals Sharon “Killer” Keller. Just remember to call before 5 p.m.! No after-hours repreives (sp?) for you clowns!

I’ll talk to ya’ll Later,

Rick

P.S. Visit me on MySpace & Facebook!

P.S.S. If you are writing about contributing money to my campaign in order to help further my conservative efforts to assist more of my contributors in getting economic development, vaccine, or faith-based initiative funds, just leave the envelope on the screened in porch of the governor’s mansion! Don’t worry, our dog don’t bite the hand that feeds!

P.S.S.S. If you happen to be the person who borrowed my Ted Nugent concert tee-shirt, I really need it back for my trip to Mexico next month. I forgot who you are, but it could have been Mike Toomey or maybe Bill Hammond…or Dianne Delisi.

P.S.S.S.S. Dianne, if you are the receiver of this message and you did borrow my Ted tee-shirt, make sure you wash it real good before returning it. Anita cannot stand when I smell like Chanel Number 5, although I gotta say it’s a pretty darn fetchin’ fragrance, and a good TV station as well also in my opinion, don’t you think so? TTFN/BFF, Rick.

P.S.S.S.S.S. Dewhurst, if you are the receiver of this message, I ain’t speakin’ to you no way. Quit tryin’ so hard to take my job, Dewy. And return to me promptly, please, my set of DVDs of the third season of Sex In The City, or I will get the Attorney General on you.

P.S.S.S.S.S.S. Carole Keeton Strayhorn, if you do not stop emailin’ me and askin’ me for jobs, I will get the Attorney General on you.

P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Staples, if this is you, I do not have your pocket comb. Quit emailin’ me about it and sashay yourself on down to the comb store and buy yourself another one. And no, I am not ever gonna tell you what kind of hair spray I use. I already told you it ain’t Salon Selectives. That’s (not!) my style!

P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S Susan Combs, if you are emailin’ me again askin me to read your draft of that new sexy romance novel you wrote about the dirty comptroller and the janitor that loved her, I am not gonna read it. Anita and I don’t cotton rightly to pornography, and you would do well to read and see what our Party Platform says about it and then, if you have time, the Bible.

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Vince Leibowitz posted this article under Texas Governor on Tuesday, October 30th, 2007 at 10:35 am You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a comment. Pinging is currently not allowed. View Technorati Linkbacks.